Google's Space Datacenters? More Like Space Garbage.
Oh, Google's going to put datacenters in SPACE now? Give me a freakin' break. I swear, these tech companies are just competing to see who can come up with the dumbest, most environmentally destructive idea next. First Mars colonization, now this. What's next, mining asteroids for Bitcoin?
"Project Suncatcher," they're calling it. Cute. Real cute. Eighty solar-powered satellites, crammed with processors, all to "meet rising demand for AI." Translation: We need more processing power so we can sell you more targeted ads and steal what little privacy you have left.
And get this – they're trying to sell it as good for the environment. "Minimizes impact on terrestrial resources," they say. As if launching hundreds of rockets into the atmosphere, spewing tons of CO2, is somehow eco-friendly. It's like saying you're helping the obesity epidemic by switching from regular soda to diet soda.
But Wait, There's More (Bad News)
Elon Musk is in on it too, naturally. Because of course he is. The guy who wants to sell you everything from electric cars to brain implants now wants to be your space-based data provider. He's scaling up to create datacenters in space. Great. Just what we needed.
And Nvidia AI chips are going up there too? This is turning into a regular party in low Earth orbit. I can practically hear the champagne corks popping from here.
This Philip Johnston character from Starcloud, he says, "In space, you get almost unlimited, low-cost renewable energy." Yeah, almost unlimited solar power, and almost unlimited potential for Kessler Syndrome. You know, that fun little scenario where space debris collides with other space debris, creating a chain reaction that renders low Earth orbit unusable for generations?
Speaking of debris, what happens when these satellites die? Are they just going to float around up there forever, becoming space junk? Are they even thinking about this stuff? I mean, seriously, are they? This ain't a rhetorical question; I genuinely want to know if anyone at Google or Starlink has even bothered to consider the long-term consequences of their harebrained scheme.
Astronomers Are Gonna Love This
And then there's the astronomers. Oh boy, are they gonna be thrilled. All these extra satellites are going to be "like bugs on a windshield," interfering with their ability to see the universe. As if they didn't have enough problems already.
I remember when you could actually see the stars at night. Now, thanks to light pollution and the ever-increasing number of satellites, it's getting harder and harder.
Offcourse, I'm just an old crank yelling at clouds, right? Maybe I should be more optimistic. Maybe this is the future. Maybe space-based datacenters are the answer to all our problems. Maybe…nah. I can't even finish that thought.
